Working With Limiting Beliefs
I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve to be happy. I have to be strong. Do sentences and thoughts like these sound familiar? Then you’re not alone. Let’s look at what these beliefs are, how they form, and what we can do with them.
What limiting beliefs do to us
Beliefs are deep convictions that shape how we think and act. They usually form in early childhood, out of experiences and the interpretations we draw from them. There are also positive ones, like “I’m safe” or “I can handle anything,” resources we can draw on in difficult moments.
Five ways negative beliefs operate
Martin Gudacker, in his book “Achtung Glaubenssatz,” distinguishes five effects: driving, blocking, judging, filtering, and expecting.
A driving belief like “I have to be strong” pushes me to keep performing, even past the point of exhaustion. One client’s driver, “be perfect,” led her to prepare her own birthday party with such enormous effort that she lost sleep and any enjoyment of the day itself.
A blocking belief stands in the way of a decision. One client felt unhappy in her relationship even though her partner was genuinely right for her, and behind the distance she was creating without realizing it, she found the old belief “I don’t deserve to be happy.”
Judging beliefs like “I’m too weak” carry a negative self-evaluation. One client carried the sentence “I’m second-rate,” which shaped how she experienced her relationship in damaging ways.
A filtering belief works like a particular lens someone keeps looking through, missing other possible views.
An expecting belief becomes a standard applied to other people too. In one couples session, this led to real disappointment, because one partner was very capable of taking care of her own needs, which clashed with what the other expected.
Where beliefs come from
They can form from things we heard over and over, “be careful, who knows what might happen,” or grow out of experience. One client developed “I have to be strong” after his younger brother fell seriously ill and his parents were so overwhelmed that he didn’t want to add his own fear and sadness to their load. Another client discovered “I’m not allowed to be successful,” a belief that had taken shape as a solution to her father’s drinking after he lost his job, out of worry that doing better than him would only frustrate him further.
Questions to track down your own beliefs
What do you believe about yourself? What sentences did you hear repeatedly as a child that still echo today? What voice shows up when you get stuck? With a systemic lens, we’re also curious about function: what does believing this sentence make possible? What does it protect you from?
What to do once you’ve found a belief
Often just noticing a belief already has an effect. Negative beliefs don’t need to disappear right away, sometimes we carry them for decades. I like working toward developing something helpful alongside the belief. Imagine your belief standing in the room, what does it look like? Now imagine there’s something else there too, something that makes its presence easier to bear. What happens to the belief once that’s there? That’s how “I don’t deserve to be loved” can, in small steps, become “I’m worthy and lovable.”
I hope this piece makes you curious about exploring, and maybe working on, your own beliefs. Want support, or have a question? Feel free to write to me at hallo@neda-mohagheghi.de or on social media.
Ich freue mich,
dich und dein Team kennen zu lernen!
Neda Mohagheghi
Düstere-Eichen-Weg 22
37073 Göttingen
